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By Melissa de la Cruz for Your Look, Your Life
 You know how when you watch talk shows on television, you can't believe how idiotic some celebrities sound? I was watching Conan O'Brien the other night, and one of my erstwhile comic favorites, Janeane Garofalo, whom I have adored since her funny, bitter turn as the cyncical cool chick in "Reality Bites," was on the show, plugging her new movie called Wet Hot Something-or-Another. Janeane, who's usually so quick-witted and sly, launched into this five-minute rant about... cellphones. Cellphones?? What century is she living in? It's 2001 and as far as I can tell... everybody has a cellphone. This isn't 1989, when only expense-account-addicted-yupsters were hauling two-ton brick phones in their briefcases (watch the fantastic American Psycho to see what I mean). But I digress. My point is, the usually hilarious Janeane was boring and, well, her schtick was tired. I mean, cellphones?!
I'm thinking about Janeane because I was recently a guest on a television talk show myself. And while I had promised myself I would be pithy, witty, and charming, I myself launching into a five-minute harangue about... computer viruses. Eeek. In short, Janeane, I feel your pain. Being on television is a traumatic event. I don't know how those winsome Survivor ladies do it -- having the bright lights on your face, the camera rolling, and a well-powdered host bouncing softball questions at you can be the scariest fifteen minutes of your life.
Now if I may segue into my own little plug: the reason I was on television is because my first book, Cat's Meow, a comic novel published by Scribner Paperback Fiction, is being released this month. The book is the story of Cat McAllister, a wannabe fashionista/socialite who fumbles her way up the New York social ladder. It's a hoot -- a fable about Upper East Side excess, complete with adopted Chinese babies, outrageous parties at nightclubs, and even a bonafide eyepatch-wearing prince! Writing the book was easy. Promoting it? Well...
Not only have I had to come up with zippy one-liners for interviews, I've also had to make sure my hair and makeup have been up-to-par for my "public appearances." I had a reading at a mega-bookstore in New York, and a book launch party to host as well. Needless to say, my hair blowout bill has been through the roof! I must confess I love all the pampering. If I could afford it, I would have someone blow my hair out everyday. But since I don't, I'm making do with a slicked-back ponytail, as it is 93 degrees in New York right now.
But what all the interviews and television and radio gigs have taught me is - a blowout does not a charming guest make. There's just no substitute for thinking on your feet.
 Have a great August! Keep cool.
Those of you unwilling to take your chances on winning a free autographed copy can buy Cat's Meow yourselves from Amazon.
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